Wow... it's been almost a year since I've written here. The rush of emotions and memories are just coming back so quickly, I don't really know how to handle it. But anyways, hey guys. Yes, it's been another year that has passed. 2013 was one hell of a year and a really good one.
The last time you saw me was when I was desperately pleading for J to come back to me. Haha, now that I look back on it, I must've been really stupid. All has been lost and almost forgotten, but I am relieved that all of that unreasonable drama is behind us. And I can also update you guys that I no longer keep in touch with anyone except for Soo and Yoona, but even that has slowed down. This year, around April, I had opened up a new roleplay with a few of my Rp Ent followers to come with. It was a really good time for a while but of course, things were really slow because my motivation was down the drain- but we did have our good moments.
After a while though, I was struggling with repressing my memories and I found myself re-opening Rp Ent in which only my sister, Gyu, and I joined. That didn't last very long either. But finally, I tried once more a few weeks ago... yes, I haven't learned to give up yet... and I am in love with my idea, but nobody has shown up for days. Truth is, I've finally sunk.
On another note, I started my senior year this year. Yes, I know... I'm old now. I am taking 3 AP classes this year and luckily for me, I only have 5 periods!! Would you look at that? Haha, I guess all that suffering for the past 3 years paid off in the end, so now I can ease into a new life and finish high school happily. Oh, but I can't forget to mention my little down fall during the last few days of Junior year - which was hell btw - when I finally dumped Benny's friendship down the drain. Yes, I finally realized he was a genuine asshole. So, I deserted him - after Junior prom and all the finals prep had happened.
And as I was transitioning into Summer, I had met a wonderful guy named Aaron which I am happy to report, we're still going strong. It'll be 8 months after Christmas on the 27th. Can you believe it? Where did the time go, really? But I can honestly say I am content and yes, sometimes I still miss everyone from the rp but life goes on.. and senior year has been gently nudging me with APes and AP Lit/Comp with McHenry. Either way, I am happy and it's been good. Although, I do not want to jinx it because I am really hoping that 2014 will be a great year and I think it will since I'll be a graduate!! Ahh, it's exciting! Can you believe it?! I've been waiting my whole high school career for this.
This year, I've been enjoying my breaks with Irene, Dixie, Avina, and Ellie. In fact, after the first few weeks of senior year, I ditched Rosie to hang out with them. I decided that Rosie and I have nothing really in common any more and I was fed up with the exclusion since all her friends are apparently "princesses" which- you know me- is so annoying and stupid. But I've enjoyed it! Plus, I have Aaron's support and my family's been at a good balance for a while. Marissa's also been visiting me whenever she comes home from college (AHHH MY BABY'S GROWN UP) and I get to hear her stories which will prepare me for the future. I also applied to colleges which was definitely stressful but all is done and now I just have to get through this week, finals week, so that I can rest easy during break.
The most exciting part of my life right now, and WAS the most dramatic, is prom. Tonight, a few minutes ago, Aaron purchased his first flight to California!!! You have no idea how happy and excited I was. He'll be coming in on May 1st through May 5th, to join me for prom on May 3rd. My patience has finally paid off and my dream is coming true. I really really admire him and I love him a lot, so this was a big deal for me. Senior year, although not "easy" like everyone says, is definitely way better than all the years before. Plus, I'm still best friends with Irene! I can't even imagine the 12 years we've been buddies. I am truly blessed.
Since it's getting late, I'll be going now. I think I summarized my year pretty well actually! Haha.
Wish me luck on finals!
xx,
Erica
Monday, December 16, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year! Wow, how long has it been? Honestly, I have a long story for you all, but it might have to wait because I'm in Multi Media 2 right now. Heh. We'll see how far I get, okay?
A few weeks before Christmas break, I had gotten a lot of bad news about people leaving the roleplay. Honestly, I was devastated and crushed and I felt dead. All hope was lost and my best friends were even disappearing. It was my all time low and I didn't know what to do. Anyway, finals week was coming up and I was super determined to make the cut - even if it were C's. I worked super hard despite the huge ass stress issue and passed all my classes except for Pre-Calculus. I was fine with it though because I really wanted to retake it anyway to actually understand the lessons instead of breezing through like we did. I've also decided to stick with a junior college first (if I can't get into a state college). I'm totally okay with it and it's boosted my confidence to go further. I was improving for a long time until holiday break came.
Nights were the most vulnerable because I had nothing else to do but think. I couldn't go back to tumblr or the roleplay because the pain was just too unbearable for me. One night though, while my sisters were having a sleepover, I had gone online. I talked to Cass for a while until I had been shocked by a text message (I don't text many people anymore). And of course, it was from the one person who has made me my saddest - Jonathan.
I honestly didn't think I'd hear from him again at that point so I nearly had a heart attack. I wasn't really sure if I was happy or mad, but I was more confused. He wished me a happy holiday and that was enough to make me almost have a panic attack.
The stress and anxiety had still been there at the time and I didn't know how to handle it. It was the first time I had an actual (massive) headache. I talked to Cass about it, but of course she wanted me to ignore it. How could I? Especially when it was the person I fell so hard for? It was impossible. So I waited for a while, then texted him back with many hopes but not high ones. I was nervous. A little later, he had texted me back and conversation started up again. Small, awkward talk but it was a conversation.
I was a little at ease then. I couldn't just let him slip away from me in such a bad way (because our reasons were just too horrible to ignore and forget). Anyway, the holidays were over and new years came around. I had spent my time on my personal dashboard and found it inspirational when quotes were being reblogged. 2013 would be a better year, one that I wont want to forget. I was determined to make it the best and I'm still determined. It's a new blank book and I'm content.
But after a few weeks of long pauses and little talk, Jonathan had texted me with what was my worst nightmare. He had told me that he was letting me go and setting me free. Of course I didn't want that. No way in a million years would I want to be forgotten by him. I was even more broken than I was already. I was the walking dead for the longest time. School was my only getaway where I didn't even have time to think of those bad moments, but still. What was I supposed to do when night approached? I wanted death.. I wanted the pain to leave. I had hit rock bottom.
Now, don't hate him just because he hurt me. You should also hate me for acting so depressing and dramatic. I was honestly digging my own grave as well instead of keeping my head held high. Yeah, it's hard to do such a task but it was partly my fault too. Anyway, not too long ago (a few days ago actually), I had gotten a text from him saying that he wanted to talk for a little while. I honestly had no idea what to do and I couldn't tell Cass. I was nervous and preparing for the ultimate worst.
At first, I thought it was silly to go back so I ignored it for a while until I thought of myself as a jack ass. There was no way I was going to treat him like how he treated me. I wanted to be treated in the right way, so therefore I had to make it right. I finally messaged him back with an apology for taking so long and he replied again, but then there was something in me that didn't want to reply again. I wanted him to also get a taste of his own medicine and just like that I went from being reasonable to cynical.
Later, when I couldn't resist any longer, I checked his other tumblr and saw that he had ranted about my second delay because he really thought of me so highly and not as lowly as how I acted. Feeling really bad and distressed, I replied to him again (after waiting of course). He was somewhat aggravated, but I knew he probably wanted to talk to me too. Later that night, I went on msn to see that he wasn't. I waited for a while, talking to my new friend who roleplays as Kibum. He kept me entertained until a sudden message popped up. As shocked and scared as I was, he made me listen to his apology and what he wanted to say.
He basically got to the point and told me that he can't just forget the horrible things that had happened during the duration of those few months, but that he also can't live without me in his life. Somewhat happy, somewhat relieved, and somewhat still on edge .. I replied back with an agreement. We had finally resolved our stress and our sadness and I was just straight out relieved now. We had a nice little conversation like the old times before he sent me off to bed (it was already 4 AM over on my side). There, I had gained a friend back.. even when losing Yukwon the next day. I was just relieved that I didn't have to live without my best friend.
And so that concludes my very, very emotional and stressful holiday. Honestly, I think I'll be okay but please wish me luck. I need all of it! Happy new year, lovelies.
Love, Erica
A few weeks before Christmas break, I had gotten a lot of bad news about people leaving the roleplay. Honestly, I was devastated and crushed and I felt dead. All hope was lost and my best friends were even disappearing. It was my all time low and I didn't know what to do. Anyway, finals week was coming up and I was super determined to make the cut - even if it were C's. I worked super hard despite the huge ass stress issue and passed all my classes except for Pre-Calculus. I was fine with it though because I really wanted to retake it anyway to actually understand the lessons instead of breezing through like we did. I've also decided to stick with a junior college first (if I can't get into a state college). I'm totally okay with it and it's boosted my confidence to go further. I was improving for a long time until holiday break came.
Nights were the most vulnerable because I had nothing else to do but think. I couldn't go back to tumblr or the roleplay because the pain was just too unbearable for me. One night though, while my sisters were having a sleepover, I had gone online. I talked to Cass for a while until I had been shocked by a text message (I don't text many people anymore). And of course, it was from the one person who has made me my saddest - Jonathan.
I honestly didn't think I'd hear from him again at that point so I nearly had a heart attack. I wasn't really sure if I was happy or mad, but I was more confused. He wished me a happy holiday and that was enough to make me almost have a panic attack.
The stress and anxiety had still been there at the time and I didn't know how to handle it. It was the first time I had an actual (massive) headache. I talked to Cass about it, but of course she wanted me to ignore it. How could I? Especially when it was the person I fell so hard for? It was impossible. So I waited for a while, then texted him back with many hopes but not high ones. I was nervous. A little later, he had texted me back and conversation started up again. Small, awkward talk but it was a conversation.
I was a little at ease then. I couldn't just let him slip away from me in such a bad way (because our reasons were just too horrible to ignore and forget). Anyway, the holidays were over and new years came around. I had spent my time on my personal dashboard and found it inspirational when quotes were being reblogged. 2013 would be a better year, one that I wont want to forget. I was determined to make it the best and I'm still determined. It's a new blank book and I'm content.
But after a few weeks of long pauses and little talk, Jonathan had texted me with what was my worst nightmare. He had told me that he was letting me go and setting me free. Of course I didn't want that. No way in a million years would I want to be forgotten by him. I was even more broken than I was already. I was the walking dead for the longest time. School was my only getaway where I didn't even have time to think of those bad moments, but still. What was I supposed to do when night approached? I wanted death.. I wanted the pain to leave. I had hit rock bottom.
Now, don't hate him just because he hurt me. You should also hate me for acting so depressing and dramatic. I was honestly digging my own grave as well instead of keeping my head held high. Yeah, it's hard to do such a task but it was partly my fault too. Anyway, not too long ago (a few days ago actually), I had gotten a text from him saying that he wanted to talk for a little while. I honestly had no idea what to do and I couldn't tell Cass. I was nervous and preparing for the ultimate worst.
At first, I thought it was silly to go back so I ignored it for a while until I thought of myself as a jack ass. There was no way I was going to treat him like how he treated me. I wanted to be treated in the right way, so therefore I had to make it right. I finally messaged him back with an apology for taking so long and he replied again, but then there was something in me that didn't want to reply again. I wanted him to also get a taste of his own medicine and just like that I went from being reasonable to cynical.
Later, when I couldn't resist any longer, I checked his other tumblr and saw that he had ranted about my second delay because he really thought of me so highly and not as lowly as how I acted. Feeling really bad and distressed, I replied to him again (after waiting of course). He was somewhat aggravated, but I knew he probably wanted to talk to me too. Later that night, I went on msn to see that he wasn't. I waited for a while, talking to my new friend who roleplays as Kibum. He kept me entertained until a sudden message popped up. As shocked and scared as I was, he made me listen to his apology and what he wanted to say.
He basically got to the point and told me that he can't just forget the horrible things that had happened during the duration of those few months, but that he also can't live without me in his life. Somewhat happy, somewhat relieved, and somewhat still on edge .. I replied back with an agreement. We had finally resolved our stress and our sadness and I was just straight out relieved now. We had a nice little conversation like the old times before he sent me off to bed (it was already 4 AM over on my side). There, I had gained a friend back.. even when losing Yukwon the next day. I was just relieved that I didn't have to live without my best friend.
And so that concludes my very, very emotional and stressful holiday. Honestly, I think I'll be okay but please wish me luck. I need all of it! Happy new year, lovelies.
Love, Erica
Monday, November 5, 2012
November 5th, 2012. The day he made my life.
Erica Awesome says
Hi baby~ ^^
Lee Joon says
Heyy beautiful ^^
what are you up to?
Erica Awesome says
nothing really~ hiding in blankets. you?
Lee Joon says
awww cute ^^
i just finished reading this story
Erica Awesome says
oh~ was it good? ^^
Lee Joon says
hmm...maybe you can be the judge?
http://thestoryoferithan.tumblr.com/post/35092419382/let-me-tell-you-a-story-about-a-prince-he-was-a
Erica Awesome says
akjdfkjsdlfkf
omg .. lakjflkfd
Lee Joon says
^^
Erica Awesome says
omg ; ~~~~ ; baby, you are seriously the best.
I can't even .. lkajsflkjsdf
I love you so so so so sooooooooooo so so much.
Lee Joon says
hehe I love you too ^^
did you like the story?
Erica Awesome says
Yes. ; u ; I love it.
Lee Joon says
I'm glad : )
this is the surprise i was talking about
sorry it's not that big : (
but I thought I'd do something a bit special for you ^^
Erica Awesome says
aish, no! It's more than perfect. Thank you, baby. Thank you so much!!
Lee Joon says
No worries ^^
I was thinking it could be an account for both of us, if you'd like?
or I'll just keep randomly posting things from time to time haha
and I thought you could go to this page any time you're feeling down
Erica Awesome says
Oh~ that sounds great. ^^ I'd love to~!
aish, you're seriously so perfect.
Lee Joon says
no you are
anyway don't laugh at the email I couldn't think of anything else LOL
it's erithan.jonrica
LOLOL
Erica Awesome says
LOOL you are so cute.
Lee Joon says
when I was making the page I asked squiddie to look at it to see if it was okay
and she was saying jonica sounds better....
so i don't know :/
LOL
Erica Awesome says
LOL they both sound cute. ^^
thank you so much, baby.
Lee Joon says
hehe no worries ^^
I love you
Erica Awesome says
I love you too
Lee Joon says
you can make changes to it or anything you want ^^
like making tags or whatever
because I suck at that stuff LOL
Erica Awesome says
LOL okay. c:
Lee Joon says
and if there's days I don't get a chance to talk to you, I'll leave you a message there : )
Erica Awesome says
aww, that's so sweet. ; ~ ;
aish, I can't stop smiling.
Lee Joon says
like this ?
LOL
Erica Awesome says
LOLOL yes.
Lee Joon says
hahah
cutie
Erica Awesome says
aish, no. you're the cutie!!
Lee Joon says
-kisses your cheek- Well you're the cutest to me ^^
Erica Awesome says
/kisses. and you're perfect to me~
Lee Joon says
-kisses you back softly- I never thought I could love someone as much as I love you
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
October 30, 2012.
Last week was pure bliss without any stress. It was all because of him .. he made me so happy throughout those 5 days, it was crazy. I had fallen so hard and I found myself thinking a bunch of things that I've never thought of about anyone before. I found out that his name was Jonathan. I was extremely ecstatic that he trusted me so much with his name. Now, that's all that runs through my brain.
But of course, after a nice week there is always something that stops it. Saturday, early in the morning, he had brought up the realities. These realities I had already known .. but I guess we all need a reality check once in a while. I still believe that we could one day meet each other, but because he doesn't believe that himself .. it sort of tears me apart. I really hope that he'll one day think about it and believe that there is some kind of hope in this world. Will he be willing to wait for me though?
"I wont let you go and now you know I've been crazy for you all this time."
But of course, after a nice week there is always something that stops it. Saturday, early in the morning, he had brought up the realities. These realities I had already known .. but I guess we all need a reality check once in a while. I still believe that we could one day meet each other, but because he doesn't believe that himself .. it sort of tears me apart. I really hope that he'll one day think about it and believe that there is some kind of hope in this world. Will he be willing to wait for me though?
"I wont let you go and now you know I've been crazy for you all this time."
Heart On Fire.
I'm falling in, I'm falling down
I wanna begin but I don't know how
To let you know, how i'm feeling
I'm high on hope, I'm reeling
And I won't let you go, now you know
I've been crazy for you all this time
Kept it close, always hoping
With a heart on fire
A heart on fire
With a heart on fire
A heart on fire
Hand in hand, sparkling eyes
The days are bright and so are the nights
Cause when i'm with you, I'm grinning
Once I was through, but now i'm winning
No I won't let you go, now you know
I've been crazy for you all this time
I've kept it close, always hoping
With a heart on fire
A heart on fire
With a heart on fire
A heart on fire
Let me walk through life with you
Everybody dreams of having what we do
Like we're rolling thunder, you pull me out from under
No I won't let you go, now you know
I've been crazy for you all this time
I've kept it close, always hoping
With a heart on fire
A heart on fire
With a heart on fire
A heart on fire
A heart on fire
I wanna begin but I don't know how
To let you know, how i'm feeling
I'm high on hope, I'm reeling
And I won't let you go, now you know
I've been crazy for you all this time
Kept it close, always hoping
With a heart on fire
A heart on fire
With a heart on fire
A heart on fire
Hand in hand, sparkling eyes
The days are bright and so are the nights
Cause when i'm with you, I'm grinning
Once I was through, but now i'm winning
No I won't let you go, now you know
I've been crazy for you all this time
I've kept it close, always hoping
With a heart on fire
A heart on fire
With a heart on fire
A heart on fire
Let me walk through life with you
Everybody dreams of having what we do
Like we're rolling thunder, you pull me out from under
No I won't let you go, now you know
I've been crazy for you all this time
I've kept it close, always hoping
With a heart on fire
A heart on fire
With a heart on fire
A heart on fire
A heart on fire
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
My life has been made.
I received a message from Joonie just a few minutes ago .. and I seriously cannot stop laughing. He is just SO damn adorable. GAAAAH!!
LOL yeah I failed at this…I’m not as good as you :P
….I swear I don’t normally do this! I lost a bet D:
Point is, I love you and I’m even willing to do stupid things like the above to show you that ^^ <3
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Motivation.
We’ve been at this for a long time
keeping me alive – a lifeline
when I’m too high you keep me grounded
when I’m stuck on the ground, you take my mind somewhere
far from here
keeping me alive – a lifeline
when I’m too high you keep me grounded
when I’m stuck on the ground, you take my mind somewhere
far from here
we can’t quit
It doesn’t matter
I promise everything’s gonna get better
they’re not part of this
It doesn’t matter
I promise everything’s gonna get better
they’re not part of this
Chorus:
I don’t care what they’re talking about
we’ve got a flame
i’m not afraid
of what they say
I don’t care what they say because…
I’m absolutely sure
i won’t need anything more
I left loneliness outside of your door
I don’t care what they’re talking about
we’ve got a flame
i’m not afraid
of what they say
I don’t care what they say because…
I’m absolutely sure
i won’t need anything more
I left loneliness outside of your door
One step closer to the boundary
between what’s certain and the maybe’s
we need to cross that line where no one’s
got nothing on us
they don’t understand – where we’ve been
between what’s certain and the maybe’s
we need to cross that line where no one’s
got nothing on us
they don’t understand – where we’ve been
we can’t quit
It doesn’t matter
I promise everything’s gonna get better
they’re not part of this
It doesn’t matter
I promise everything’s gonna get better
they’re not part of this
bridge:
I’m not afraid, i’m not afraid of what they say
I know that we’ll be ok
I’m not afraid, i’m not afraid of what they say
I know that we’ll be ok
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